Article in the Melbourne Sunday Herald Sun January 27th 2008
CHILD'S PLAY by Kim Wilson

THERE are a million things you vow never to do as a parent before you become one - and I fear I'm about to do one of them.

I used to watch those teary- eyed mothers on the news on a child's first day of school and wonder why they were making such a big deal. Now I'm about to become one as my five-year-old son starts school this week. My eyes have been welling up just seeing him scamper down the hall with his school backpack on - I can't even imagine the sniffling mess I'll be when he's in his uniform and ready to embark on this great new adventure.

Childhood development expert Kathy Walker says parents should save their emotional outbursts for after dropping the children off for the first time. "For many parents it's an emotional day and for most other topics I'd encourage parents not to hide their emotions, but in relation to school I'd advise them to avoid the emotional stuff," Ms Walker says. "Starting school is one of the most physically, emotionally and mentally draining periods of a child's life, particularly in that first term."

Ms Walker suggests parents encourage children to practise putting on their uniform, opening and eating out of their lunchbox and identifying their school bag. "It can be quite daunting for them dealing with a whole range of new things, so becoming familiar with small practical things will help them feel more comfortable," she says.

The build-up to school has been exciting, but Ms Walker suggests you don't build it up too much in the final days. "Talk in an ordinary, matter-of-fact way. Don't make a big deal of it because it can create high expectations and increase anxiety," she says.

Ms Walker says while most children look forward to starting school and may barely wave goodbye to their parents, others may be a little more wary. "Some children may have experienced separation anxiety at kinder or child care and if a parent anticipates that may be an issue, have a quick word to the teacher where the child can't hear you," she says. "Trust the prep teachers, they're highly experienced with this."

Ms Walker says when the teacher suggests it's time to go that parents should say goodbye and leave. "It is just prolonging the agony for the child if a parent says they are going and doesn't," she says. "Of children who have separation anxiety at the point of a parent leaving, 96 per cent experience relief when the moment is over."

Five Facts on first day of school:

• PARENTS should avoid showing too much emotion.
• DON'T make a big deal of it because it can create high expectations and increase anxiety.
• BECOMING familiar with small practical things will help them feel more comfortable.
• STARTING school is one of the most physically, emotionally and mentally draining periods _ of a child's life.
• WHEN the teacher suggests it's time to go, parents should say goodbye and leave immediately.

Ms Walker says if a child remains distressed the school has a legal duty of care to contact the parents. "So that should reassure parents that if they haven't had a call within the first half hour that the child is fine," she says.

Starting school is a special time and Ms Walker suggests, when possible, the whole immediate family helps settle the child into school for the first few days. "Don't feel guilty if you can't - your child will be absolutely fine, but it is lovely if you can," she says.

wilsonkim@heraldsun.com.au