In recent days the media have shown some interest in my new book, Parenting. I have been amazed that of the 300 plus pages in the book, the consistent two issues that each journalist has wanted to discuss is that I advocate no hitting and no naughty corner!!
Talk back callers, so many people across Australia that have been listening to their radio station have called in to say that they think hitting children is ok and that shaming and humiliating children teaches them not to do things they shouldn’t.
I have been slightly but not totally shocked by this. There appears to be an assumption that if you don’t hit your children, somehow you can’t or won’t be disciplining them.
In any case, I am worried that some of the prevailing attitudes that still seem to exist in family life reflect a need to defend, justify and excuse hitting, shaming and humiliating children.
And we wonder why as they grow into adulthood they are feeling bad about themselves, taking risks, speeding, drink driving and only “obeying the rules” if they think they will be caught out.
Intrinsic motivation far outweighs extrinsic and yet so much of how we deal with children teaches them to fear authority and to behave only to avoid being punished or to receive a reward rather than to behave because that is simply how life works best.
I can only hope that the strategies in my book will provide some alternative ways to help parents with their young children’s behaviours and empower parents to view parenting as more involved than simply smacking them into compliance!!