THE AGE Newspaper article of Monday October 29th 2007.

Question:  Children's birthday parties have become a big issue in recent years. Often these involve huge costs. What does it mean to hold a party and what means the cost to a child ? WE do appear to have become caught up in the myth that the more we spend, the better the party. But what do young children actually need?

Answer:

Children under six are mostly still happy with simple games and food at a local park with just a handful of friends or family. The trend of inviting the whole preschool group or 10 or more children when they are only three to six years old is part of what I call pushing down to a younger and younger age all of the things we used to do during our later primary or early teenage years. Young children are easily overwhelmed with lots of people. Those under six find it difficult to share either toys, presents or adults' attention and often these parties leave everyone feeling exhausted. It is also wise to consider that, if we are spending lots of money now on extravagant parties, what is left to do as they grow older - and what types of expectations will the children hold? Children between seven and 11 also do not require too much entertainment. It is often simple games and food, with a park or a backyard as the venue, that children enjoy most. Friendship is more important in these years and, contrary to what lots of families believe, it is often in these years that a couple of special friends having a sleepover or going out together with the parents is more enjoyable and meaningful than a huge party. We need to remember that young children are not miniature adults, nor are they teenagers. Many parents cannot afford huge parties and children actually don't need entertainment. We also need to be careful that we are not exposing children to inappropriate entertainment beyond their years. Young preschoolers and those in the early years of school do not need modelling parties or make-up parties. We are exposing children far too early to adolescent behaviours and dress. Children need adults to provide for them in ways that suit their age and respect the fact that children's parties are not about the adults' needs but those of the children. Holding on to childhood and allowing children to play and party in a way appropriate to their stage in life is very important. It is sometimes timely to remember that old observation that "children often like the wrapping paper more than the present". Keeping things simple is a great option when considering birthday parties. The best type of party for young preschoolers is a few children at home with party food and playing outside. For primary-aged children, a few friends, avoiding huge numbers of children and having simple games, or an outing with a few special friends or going to a park, is plenty. The celebration needs to primarily involve the family and a few friends. Try to avoid the hype, the expense, the feeling or pressure that to give your child the best, they need to be entertained - and that all this requires lots of money and invitations to lots of children. As a parent, try to avoid the pressure and car-park gossip about parties and just relax. Enjoy the simple approach. Your children and the general community will thank you for it.

Copyright © Kathy Walker 2007

Kathy Walker is an education consultant specialising in early childhood and primary years and a former lecturer at RMIT University.